Breaking up with Diet Coke. Take 461. (Warning: Snarky Rant Ahead)

Can I just say that I’m completely annoyed with all the things that apparently kill you in the world!? Diet coke is the one that I’m attempting to distance myself from, but seriously, does ANYTHING not kill you eventually? I mean if you’re a vegetarian you’re gonna die from protein deficiency and diabetes from eating too many carbs. If you eat meat your gonna die from a heart attack. If you go in the sun you’ll get skin cancer but if you don’t then you’ll have a vitamin D deficiency. Your body needs sugar! Actually you’ll die from sugar! Are you eating too much salt? Oh no, wait! If you don’t have salt in your diet you’ll DIE. Some doctors recommend drinking diet soda to eliminate all the sugar that is causing obesity. Oh wait, no. Don’t drink diet soda because its made from e-coli mixed with toxic waste that some mustache twisting corporate jerk off decided to market as a joke. You will get diabetes drinking diet coke anyway and will grow a second head. Food combine! No, that doesn’t work just count your calories. Oh no no no, don’t you know you have to find out your blood type in order to lose weight? Don’t watch TV or you’ll get ADD. Wait, TV has so much information that if you’re out of the loop you’ll be like one of those weird home-school kids from the backwoods of Arkansas. Video games will make you a crazy lunatic that will inevitably make you go gun down your coworkers at the local post office. But wait, actually its been proven that video games are much like crossword puzzles and keep your brain sharp.

Okay, end rant. I’m just mad that I’m quitting diet coke (again) because its like my best frenemy. Nothing in the world is free, but I definitely felt like diet coke was my one free thing. The one little indulgence that I wouldn’t have to pay for later at my waistline. But aparently that is incorrect and not only will I die of diabetes, cancer and a myriad of other complications but more importantly it is actually making me fat. Yes fat. I have worked freaking hard to get back within 5 pounds of my pre pregnancy weight and am bound and determined to not stop. AND I want to work off the wedding pounds that I gained over the years and didn’t bother to lose before the baby. So, I won’t be happy until all the fat is shed and if that means no diet coke then so be it.

Now, this might sound really hypocritical but I’m only giving up diet soda NOT regular soda. Whaaaaat? Here’s the thing. If I drink regular soda I drink dramatically less than when I drink diet. Like 5x’s less. So this is my weening period and drinking a little regular coke during the day is taking the edge off.  I’m also drinking sparkling water to give myself some kind of substitute. It helps but is so not as good.

Okay, I sound like the whiniest person on the face of the planet and I’m sure I am. But this is just how I feel right now. I thought maybe I would drink diet coke secretly (like those closet smokers) but realized that no one cares that I drink it so big whoop. And I’m the only one I’m hurting. So hopefully I can focus on looking hot and fabulous and making that the priority when I get a mid afternoon headache and a craving for a little caffeine boost. Those commerical with Taylor Swift drinking diet coke are so hard to resist though! I mean she is so cute and I feel like, “Oh, Taylor Swift is drinking diet coke and she hasn’t grown a second head from it, so I should be fine!” Taylor, you are beautiful and I’m not mad at you. You probably got paid an obscene amount of money to endorse diet coke.  Beyonce on the other hand did a pepsi/diet pepsi commercial that in no way makes me want to drink it. Sorry Beyonce. Taylor won. (And Coke is waaaay better anyway…)

Alright so my last question: Is there a community support group for diet coke drinkers? It should be called DCA (Diet Coke Anonymous). If there isn’t then I’ll host it at my place. Who wants to come?

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16 thoughts on “Breaking up with Diet Coke. Take 461. (Warning: Snarky Rant Ahead)

  1. Can’t say as I’ve ever been a big fan of soda, but my weakness is potato chips and wine. Of course when my mom
    visits, she buys like 800 bags of chips, then leaves them behind for me to munch on. Good luck! I’m pulling for you!

  2. Have you ever had La Croix? It is canned sparkling water with no additives, all natural, no sodium, no colors but great flavors and is super yummy… I drink with a straw to feel fancy and somehow it works and makes me happy…

  3. I’ll join! And I think DCA is a perfect name.
    What’s our 12 step plan.
    Before we get started, though … Are we sure that Diet Coke (or any diet drink with asperrine) is really causing lethargy and weight gain? Seems this round of thinking comes and goes every few years.
    Please help – if anyone knows the bottom line, tell us!

    • yay! My first member!

      To answer your questions I have no idea what diet coke really does to you if anything. But I do know that it was making me crave sugar and was putting my on a cycle of sugar/caffeine/sugar/caffeine…Maybe it causes cancer/diabetes/weight gain maybe not. But I figure its worth it to quit to see if I’ll lose weight a little easier. Its time!

  4. OMG I totally had to ween myself of diet squash what with all those talks of Aspartame being potentially harmful blah blah blah. But you know what? I only crave it on really hot day now, and water usually does the trick. I know, I sound like those terrible adds with skinny women all going “I love my cabbage soup now and never crave a chocolate bar”. I kid you not: THAT is not me!
    I tried to replace it with decaff coffee then got worried I was drinking too much of that (Grrr! I KNOW!) so I found Chicory and Barley “coffees”. They’re natural plant things and taste really nice (they’ve grown on me) and seemingly I can drink what I like of them. Ha ha. http://mercurialmonds.wordpress.com//?s=chicory&search=Go
    You’re right though – EVERYTHING has a rule to it now, and most rules conflict.
    Good luck!

    • I will have to try the chicory and barley drinks you mentioned. I actually used to drink Postum but then it was taken off the market… ;( I’ll have to see if I can buy it online. Thanks for the comment!

      On Wed, Jun 5, 2013 at 3:13 PM, Costa Kitchen

  5. Um yes i feel pretty much the same way about everything i said – it’s very frustrating, you cant get a break so why bother… but zevia can be found at lassens health food store, And you can request your regular store to carry it, they have it at my Vons now.

  6. I seriously just googled “Diet Coke detox” and found your article! I so feel the same way and just quit today. I need a new vice. I’m trying my hand at tea. My obsession with Downton Abbey is helping that. =) I am also joining your group!
    I also just saw that Crystal light also has that aspartame in it….Dang! Throw me a bone skinny beverage people.

    • So glad you found the site! Here is what I did. I bought a few 6 packs of Zevia which you can get at Whole Foods. Its a cola sweetened with stevia which is a natural herb and it has caffeine in it. It of course is no where as good as diet coke so you won’t want to drink it as much. I also bought cases of sparkling water with lemon which I love and it gives me that fizziness that I need. Finally, I still allowed myself to drink a little regular coke. Sometimes I really just needed a coke and since I count calories I never binge on it. Between those few things I have been able to manage. Everyone is different on why they want to quit but for me it was because of the aspartame. Good luck!

  7. Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of.

    I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

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